Before getting into this article, I think it is very important to stress something: God is a God of mercy. Though the words you will read might cut you to pieces, please know that God does not want to leave you there. His desire is to pour out His grace and mercy. This has always been His desire. However, God is also a God of Judgment. The prerequisite to Him being able to pour out His grace and mercy is your repentance. And in order to get you to that place, He will cut you in pieces with His prophets, kill you with the words of His mouth and flash His judgments upon you like lightning. For He desires mercy, not sacrifice, and acknowledgement of God rather than burnt offerings. (See Hosea 6:5-6)
Jesus came to proclaim this truth. In Matthew 12:17-20, he quoted Isaiah, saying, “Here is my servant whom I have chosen, the one I love, in whom I delight; I will put my Spirit on him, and he will proclaim justice to the nations. He will not quarrel or cry out; no one will hear his voice in the streets. A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out, till he leads justice to victory.” Just what , exactly, does that mean? I’ll tell you what it means. God has to cut us to pieces with His prophets, with His Word, and with His judgments, so that we can have the victory. What is the victory? Simple. It is when we come to God, with a broken and contrite heart, confess who we really are and repent. The moment you do that, you are forgiven. Yes! The moment you come to Him, everything changes! You are forgiven. Amen!
MARRIAGE AND DIVORCE: WHAT DOES GOD’S WORD REALLY SAY?
Over the past couple of years, I have written several articles on how dangerous dating can be. I wasn’t the first to say it, but over and over, I stressed that dating is nothing more than practice for divorce. Unfortunately, both of these practices have become far too common in our culture. And what is even sadder is that, when you examine the church, you will see that nothing changes. As someone whose childhood was stricken with divorce, I cannot stress enough, the importance of a family that realizes that divorce is not an option.
Last Thursday, I visited what is already being labeled an “outpouring” at Morning Star Ministries in Fort Mill, SC. Now, this article is not about this so-called outpouring, so I won’t spend time exposing all of the falsehood behind this movement. But there is one thing that stands out above all others. That being the lifting up of Todd Bentley; a man who cheated on his wife and then ran off with his adulteress; leaving behind his wife and three children. This is a tragic thing. It is a horrible thing; and totally tramples the marriage covenant.
I have a feeling that this “outpouring” will only grow from here, as they are bent on pumping it up into something that it is not. This, I am sure, will put me in the position to explain to many why this is so degrading to biblical truth. So, this article, more than anything, is meant to be a reference to those who don’t quite understand what the Bible truly says about marriage and divorce. The best part about this is that the Bible is very clear on this issue. So, let’s take a look at what the word of God truly says about it.
Malachi 2:10-16 says:
10 Have we not all one Father? Did not one God create us? Why do we profane the covenant of our fathers by breaking faith with one another?
11 Judah has broken faith. A detestable thing has been committed in Israel and in Jerusalem: Judah has desecrated the sanctuary the LORD loves, by marrying the daughter of a foreign god. 12 As for the man who does this, whoever he may be, may the LORD cut him off from the tents of Jacob—even though he brings offerings to the LORD Almighty.
13 Another thing you do: You flood the LORD’s altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer pays attention to your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. 14 You ask, “Why?” It is because the LORD is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.
15 Has not the LORD made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth.
16 “I hate divorce,” says the LORD God of Israel, “and I hate a man’s covering himself with violence as well as with his garment,” says the LORD Almighty. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith.
Good places to cross reference this are Ezra and Nehemiah. When the people of Judah came back to Jerusalem to rebuild the temple, they started divorcing the wives of their youth and marrying pagan wives. So, God rebuked them. It doesn’t get much clearer than verse sixteen. God said, “I hate divorce.”
It’s unfortunate that we don’t hear this passage of scripture preached in churches today. The reason it is not probably has to do with the fact that the preacher would likely be stepping on the toes of around half of his congregation. That doesn’t keep him from preaching from Malachi chapter three, on tithing though does it? Hmmm….that’s strange isn’t it? Well, that’s another message altogether.
Let’s move on to the New Testament so you can see what Jesus had to say about this issue. But, just so you know that God has not changed his stance on this, take a look at chapter three, verse six of Malachi, which says, “I the Lord do not change.”
So we know that God hates divorce, right? Then, why is it we, as the church, are so accepting of the practice? I’ll tell you why. It is because of what has become known as “the exception clause.” The exception clause is found in Matthew 5:31-32 and Matthew 19:1-12. Now it is very important that you understand that Matthew was writing to the Jews, who were the only group of people that practiced “betrothal.” That is why “the exception clause” is not found in the other synoptic gospels. I’ll explain that later. We will visit both of these passages from Matthew, as well as the parallel passages on divorce, and we will find that there really are no exceptions. Divorce is never, under any circumstances, permissible.
Let’s start with Matthew 5:31-32:
31″It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’32But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness (porneia), causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery (moicheia).
You’ll notice that I added the greek in this passage of scripture so we can better talk about the correct translation of a couple of words.
At first glance, it might seem that Jesus is contradicting what God said in Malachi 2. How is it that Jesus lends legitimacy to something that God hates? To answer that question, we have to first understand the book of Matthew.
First of all, unlike the other synoptic gospels, Matthew was written specifically to the Jews. Why is that relevant? Well, because the Jews had a practice called betrothal. Betrothal was a legally binding contract, between a young man and woman, who had made a pledge to get married. It’s kind of like an engagement, but far more binding. With a betrothal, the only way out was if it were found that the woman were not a virgin. In that case, the husband would write his betrothed wife a certificate of divorce.
The reason this is important is that Matthew uses a word in the exception clause that deals with breaking a betrothal, not a marriage. He uses the greek word, “porneia” which means, “fornication.” Jesus’ exact words were, “But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for fornication (porneia), causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery (moicheia).
For some reason this is confusing to many Pastors. I don’t understand this, but I often hear something like this, “Oh, divorce is unacceptable, except in the case of adultery…or fornication.” Hold on a second! Jesus did not lump those words together and neither can we! He was very clear in what He said. Porneia means fornication and moicheia means adultery. He used both words in the same sentence. He meant what He said and He said what He meant. And He never said that adultery is grounds for divorce.
To understand this better, let’s turn to Matthew 1:18-25:
18 This is how the birth of Jesus Christ came about: His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be with child through the Holy Spirit. 19 Because Joseph her husband was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly.
20 But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, “Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. 21 She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins.”
22 All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had said through the prophet: 23 “The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel”—which means, “God with us.”
24 When Joseph woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took Mary home as his wife. 25 But he had no union with her until she gave birth to a son. And he gave him the name Jesus.
First, notice in verse eighteen that Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph. But, then look at verse nineteen. The text says that Joseph is already her husband. That’s how it worked with betrothals. They were already seen as husband and wife, but they had not come together in marriage yet. They would go through a year long betrothal period, when the husband would go and prepare a place for her. Then, after a year they would have the marriage ceremony and the two would become one flesh.
It is vitally important to see that Joseph was going to “divorce” Mary. That’s not a mistake. That is exactly what Jesus was talking about in Matthew 5:31-32 and Matthew 19:1-12. And the only reason Matthew even mentioned the exception clause was because he knew his audience (the Jews) would understand it. And, of course, because Matthew is the only gospel writer that talks about the marriage of Mary and Joseph.
I want to make sure that you see this clearly. So, let’s look at the parallel passages of this in Mark and Luke.
Mark 10:11-12 says:
“He answered, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.”
Luke 16:18 says:
“Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”
Do you see how, if these were the only two passages about divorce, than there would be no exceptions? Hopefully, you now understand why Matthew is different. Again, it is because he was writing to the Jews.
The exception clause is also found in Matthew 19:1-12, so let’s take a look at that:
1 When Jesus had finished saying these things, he left Galilee and went into the region of Judea to the other side of the Jordan. 2 Large crowds followed him, and he healed them there.
3 Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?”
4 “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”
7 “Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?”
8 Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.”
10 The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.”
11 Jesus replied, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. 12 For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.”
The only thing covered here, that we haven’t already talked about is the Pharisees’ claim that Moses gave permission for a man to divorce his wife. Jesus answers this very clearly in verse eight and nine. Notice he said that Moses permitted them to divorce their wives because of their hard hearts. He didn’t say that God permitted this. He again says that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness (again, that means fornication or sex before marriage—not adultery), and marries another woman commits adultery.
So, now we have clarified what Jesus said about divorce, let’s look at what Paul said about it. There is another passage that is used by those who would argue that divorce is acceptable. They use 1 Corinthians 7:15 to say that God would permit you to divorce your spouse if he/she is an unbeliever. That’s not true at all and a simple reading of this verse, in context, will clearly show this.
Look at 1 Corinthians 7:10-16:
10To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.
12To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.
15But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. 16How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?
A simple reading of this verse in context clearly shows that Paul did not permit divorce, despite a spouse being a non-believer. All verse fifteen says is that if your spouse leaves, let him or her leave. It says nothing about divorce. You run into this all the time though. A non-believing spouse leaves, and the believer just signs the papers and gets a divorce. That is not permissible. You are to remain faithful to the covenant you made. If your spouse leaves, there is nothing you can do about it. But you need to just stay faithful to the covenant you made. Don’t get a divorce.
So, there you have it. Indeed, God does not change, does he? He has always hated divorce and he always will. There is not exception to that. Anyone that gets a divorce sins against God. And anyone that remarries commits adultery.
I understand that this is a truth that many have never heard. But it is a truth that needs to be shouted from the rooftops. The ways in which we have been doing things, as a nation and as a church, are in stark contrast to the truth of Scripture. Just look at our churches. We have families on one side of the aisle whose former spouses are sitting on the other aisle with new husbands and wives and precious kids who don’t even know what their last name ought to be. This is flat-out wrong and a slap in the face to God.
What would it look like if the church were to repent of this mess, anyway? Do we separate husbands from new wives as Nehemiah did. No. Absolutely not. What needs to be done is an open confession, within the church, from the top-down. We need to deal harshly with the sin we have gotten ourselves into. Long ago, the desire to be accepting and loving, within the church, led to the twisting of Scripture so we can be soft on marriage, divorce and remarriage.
So the first thing that needs to take place is for the men of God to repent and return to preaching the Word of God. Let God’s Word say what it says, and stop trying to soften it up for fear that it may hurt someone’s feelings. Tell our Lord’s confused lambs that if they are divorced and remarried that they must repent and confess that what the Lord says about marriage is true – there are no exceptions! Then be true to the covenant they are presently in – always confessing the truth about God’s design in marriage. It is the first and most important institution God gave to man. A child needs a father and a mother who remain true to their covenant, for better or for worse, because God desires Godly offspring.
Then men of God must commit to never remarrying any person who is divorced and whose spouse is still living. It will take a generation. But we can again have God’s blessing back. If we will simply return to Him, He will return to us.
I am well aware that it is highly probable that some of you reading this are divorced, and maybe even remarried. I hope you can look past any feelings of anger that you might have toward me right now. Here is all that I would ask of you. Examine the Scriptures for yourself. If I am in error, I would like you to show me how.
Many of you will probably have questions, as this message is not common today. Please, feel free to ask me. And if I don’t have the answer, I will do all that I can to get it for you.
For His Glory,
Adam Tennant